i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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