I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
