i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
