Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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