We're like a lot better than the average bears
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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