I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You took a bar mat shot.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
