We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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