I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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