Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
