I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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