This girl is more easily done than said...
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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