Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
