All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
