i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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