My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
