I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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