Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
