and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
We named our party play list daddy issues
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
