dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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