i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
