hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Apparently you make a good broom.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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