a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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