He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
