Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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