Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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