The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
