In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
