He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
