I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
