I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I would fuck him just for his dog
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
