At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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