I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I think people are normalizing furries
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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