So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
this hospital has no fireball
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
