I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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