i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Every concussion has its silver lining
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
