her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
