The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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