remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
