Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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