He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
