would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
