Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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