trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
