I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
