apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
