and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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