I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
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