So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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