While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
