so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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