Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
